The Dutch Assassin

Seduced By A Beekeeper

2011-07-14T20:40:00.001-07:00

So on the outside, this man seemed perfect. Lean, beautiful body, beekeeper, karate expert, masseuse, speaks mandarin, seems of high intellect, owns his own business (albeit in the very entry stages). The man has me on the hook, however, he has put me off because he is not ready and broke it off initially, he has stood me up in the past, not called me for 3 weeks, and I keep going back like hummingbird to nectar. As a strong powerful woman, I can not understand these concessions-- he must be some powerful person for me to withstand such torment. And I now have to say no freaking way. So I am now putting it out publicly, for perhaps some sort of accountability to myself to resist.

When I told him he hadn't talked to me in 3 weeks, he seemed shocked. I really didn't notice. I was busy. Holy shit, busy. Try being a coparenting soccer mother with 2 jobs and assisting with running a non-profit company on the side. And maintaining friendships and relationships. That is the definition of being busy.

Contigo and Human Rights Declarations

2011-06-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

I thought it might be nice to entree with something not so serious, intense, life and death. So, I went to some new outdoor bar/restaurant place this evening with a nurse friend, the place is called Contigo, ate some lentils and greens, pickled onions and green tomatoes, a sort of sausage that I can not describe. It tasted tasty, not a typical salty meat, I think it was called "laso". And it is in my hood, even east of Airport. Ah, yupification.

So as to keep this not like my journal with too many personal details, I will highlight a specific health care injustice tonight. I started a new job managing a free health clinic on Tuesday nights. I almost cried that night. People show up to this place on Tuesday for a walk-in appointment with a physician or nurse practitioner. They draw a number, as if they were waiting to pick up some cold cuts at HEB. The line forms at 6 pm, we issue tickets to the crowd. Depending on the number of volunteers that night will determine the number of patients we can see. Only my first night, I am unsure of the volume of people that normally get turned away, but this Tuesday we had to turn away about 12 people, all struggling emotionally and physically. It was rough, I have a hard time saying no. I would see them if I could, I guess that it is wise that I never got my MD. I would never stop.

This is where the cameras and documentarians need to come in. I turned to the social worker-- "this is the fucking sad state of our health care system". I told him, I wish they, the people in the line, knew that, where it seems that I actually hold some power, I don't. If I could see everyone, what would happen? Word would get out and we would have 1000 people at the door every night. But what does the conscious, ethical person do? If 1000 show, get the news there, get the cameras there, get the people that give a shit there. I think they might regret hiring me.

I firmly believe in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, a UN document that may as well be issued as toilet paper. However, the tenets are perfect and valid to me, I feel that these are the reason I am alive. The most important article to me is #25:

"Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control."

C'mon people, and all ye brethren of whatever religion you hold dear, understand what we are supposed to be doing.

This Has Got To Be It...

2010-05-23T15:24:00.001-07:00

So I had left my hospital gig right after Thanksgiving to start at a federally qualified health center as a charge nurse. In charge of what? you may wonder... Basically it is in charge of kissing ass, smoothing over, putting out fires and helping patients navigate through an endlessly bureaucratic health care maze. As attractive as that all sounds, the worst part of it was this doctor I had to work with. She would pick a target, ride their ass like a pony for 2-4 weeks, annoy the hell out of them until they put up a protest and then moved on to someone else. Man, she picked on the wrong woman. We had our "meetings" in which I had to use every last bit of strength to keep from slipping into a morass of moral turpitude, to keep from extending my fist and punching her in the mouth. And I have never gotten into a physical altercation with anyone in my life, ever. She was quite despicable in a calm, smiling face kind of way. I have never quite met anyone like her before.

So I says to my boss, I am out. You can help me get another position within the company or I will be leaving in 2 weeks. Thankfully, he likes me and hooked me up with my current gig. Completely night and day. I am now managing 3 nurse practitioners and they are so laid back. They ask me for suggestions, they are not rude, they do not have crazy unrealistic expectations. Now that I am out of the crazy I realize how crazy it was. I have escaped and I am scared to actually get too excited about my new position, in the case that I have yet to see the ugly. I don't think there is too much of that where I am now... We shall see.

More Complaining

2009-09-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

In the midst of my orientation in the ER, my preceptor was pleased as pie that I managed to start 2 IV's and push some meds. She looks at me in all seriousness and exclaims, "You did two things at once. You multitasked!" I utilized all self-restraint to not hit her in the face-- she really thought she was paying me a compliment, which I should appreciate. And staying up until 4 am three nights in a row sucks. It is messing with my rhythm and my brain power. I have stopped writing other than these few posts and I have no energy to play the piano. I have stopped caring about hygiene. It is time to figure out a plan B.

Crispy Critters

2009-09-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Emergency room nurses are referred to as "crispy critters" and certainly for reason. A young male, young in the hospital sense, is brought in from home. He is HIV+ and became so weak he could not get out of his ez chair for days. Consequently, he was covered in shit and piss. The man was so nice, sweet and he deserved to retain his dignity. But he reeked so badly that even the saintliest saint would cough, exhale deeply, basically struggle to keep from retching or uttering expletives. EMS had been so kind to cut his shirt off of him; however, it was pasted to his back by his highly concentrated urine. This man is obviously not fully functional, he does not have an MD, does not know his t counts, cd4 stuff. He states that he does not have any family, but I bet he means no family that will associate with a homosexual Hispanic HIV+ sibling/son/uncle. All I wanted to do was help him get out of his cakey pants and undies. I try to enlist my preceptor's assistance-- "there is no time", she states. Not even one minute to cut his clothes off and rub him down with our hospital issue wet wipes? So I did it by myself. What is wrong with that crispy critter? She should have been an investment banker-- you don't have to give a shit about anyone and you make a whole lot more money.

Pretension

2009-04-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am currently taking some critical care nursing classes and the teacher, like many docs, says the word centimeter as if she were French-- "sahnt ah meeter". What is up with that?

I have discovered the world of the princess nurse-- critical care. OK, whilst that princess title is not completely fair, like you do have to think, process and have some definite skills and know-how when someone is going down the tubes fast, you have 1-2 patients. They are laid out in front of you with a glass wall-- so you can sit your ass down and see the 2 patients at all times. Large monitors monitor everything and display it all so that you can see their every vital sign while still sitting on your butt. Visiting hours are infrequent and strictly enforced-- eliminating the all-too-frequent overdemanding family members/friends that make a med-surg nurse's life utter living hell. Additionally, most patients are entubated and therapeutically sedated, so they can't complain to you about anything. Not that being in that state is a good thing, it just makes the psychological drain on the nurse less. However, the people that do discover this wonderful goodness NEVER LEAVE, leaving me in my post for an indefinite amount of time. Boo hoo.

On other notes, Texas doesn't sell hard liquor on Sundays, something I did not know until today. Bummer. Additionally, wild iguanas live in my neighborhood-- are they native to Texas??

My Ego is Bruised

2008-11-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

My patients don't remember me!

In another move by our so-distantly-removed-administration, nurses now, in addition to all of their millions of other jobly duties, are charged with calling all discharged patients the day after they leave the hospital to be sure that they are "very satisfied"-- and to sleazily prime and coach them for the Gallup polling they will receive apres. Call after call I made yesterday, some of them my previous patients. In my mind and my selective memories, I am dazzling, bright, extremely hilarious. I tell jokes, my patients are laughing a lot, I keep them updated, I work to get them what they want which usually means I am bugging a lot of other people... Damn, do they realize how much this tires my 32 year old mind and soul? The best I got, and I mean c'mon people, was a "oh and that girl in the red scrubs, she was good". What? Just freaking good?? I remember this woman, I brought her pain medications before she even asked me in anticipation-- I swiftly got her out of there when she was ready, I helped her clear up her yeast infection. Good?

It's funny though how you give what you are and then get it back again. One patient, whom I did not care for but saw him and his boyfriend briefly, was a retired nurse and understood all of the crap we go through. Even in pain, he was extremely pleasant, kind, polite, funny, understanding, etc. Upon calling this man, he could not compliment everyone enough even though he may have been the best and easiest to care for patient we have had this year. So I guess I have stumbled upon a lesson for myself, so that instead of worrying about whether my patients want to congratulate me and fondle my ego, I should focus on giving out what I would like to receive back more and not worry about being honored in some damn parade.

People that are Mental

2008-10-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it. How much are my patients formerly molested, ignored, harmed, abused, neglected, denigrated, belittled, insulted, slapped, punched, kicked in order to be these most f&*ked up adults? It sounds eugenic, but someone should put this one guy in particular out of his misery. He's weird in a really sick weird way and he knows it. There is no schizophrenia or bipolar or major depressive disorder-- it is far worse. To be mentally, chemically working in the brain but to be so repulsive and to know it and not be able to kill yourself. How do you treat this sort of person? At 40 years old, with all of your brain and body working, should you be shitting yourself (and no, it is not due to something benign and understandable like coughing with a bad case of diarrhea and consequently squirting) and whining that you need to be changed and that the poop you have been sitting in is making your buttocks burn? The sad thing is that this guy has 3 children. No freaking clue how that might have happened, unless this guy raped the women. He whines in a sniveling accusatory way, "You don't like me, I can tell." I couldn't even bring myself to try to lie and reassure him that some small part of me might if I wasn't about to puke into my own mouth as he lay with his ass facing me expecting to be wiped. OK some purist nurse would say that he never had his basic needs met as a child, maybe he sat around in his soiled diaper most of the time and he really needed me to care for his most basic primitive needs in order to trust me but at another level I want to tell him that I hate him and he is a waste of my energy. Now, three hours later, I am still nauseated.

Being a Nurse Can Suck Sometimes

2008-10-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

I am so over wiping ass!

Where do our patients come from? I have never personally known so many people who have not had their basic needs met in life. Where does this land them? Apparently at the hospital I work at, wanting me to be their waitress with drugs.

Take for example Mr. A from yesterday. This guy has drank his liver into a mess and is in pain with a fever from an infection. He has to have surgery, so he is not allowed to eat all day (mind you, just breakfast and lunch!). Inadvertently, a tray of food was delivered to his room. Not even 5 minutes later we come in the room to check on him and send him down to the OR and he's got food in his mouth! This guy has no excuse as he is alert, oriented, in his 50's and has dependents. I asked him why he ate when he knew he was going to have an operation and he tells me "I was hungry" as he ripped a huge fart and laughed at himself. He had to eat one damned pineapple ring, so his surgery was canceled. Not only did he screw up without remorse, he doesn't even appreciate the fact that the surgeon is doing his surgery despite the fact the guy has no insurance or money. What a douche.

To add insult to injury, this douchebag's son calls me to rip ME a new asshole. I don't even know how this douchebag has children that speak to him, but I guess that is the travesty of being a child of an alcoholic. You have no attention or love from your parent your whole life and you still stick around for them like some damn doormat. However, in an effort to keep that patient and family "very satisfied", I apologize and I make nice and douchebag son is temporarily placated. Meanwhile, I am horrified at our society and our lack of accountability.

Down the hall I am caring for another woman who is uninsured. Doctors are ordering test after test, CT this, MRI that. Meanwhile, I don't think there is a damn thing wrong with this patient as she racks up probably a $20,000 hospital bill-- and I am pretty damn sure that this woman has nooo idea how predatory a hospital will get to obtain their money later!

AFTERNOTE:
Said pineapple ring eating douchebag later assaulted the staff and ran out of the hospital directly into traffic.

The Barrio is Wearing Me Down

2008-05-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

At 0430 this AM, my neighbor's new rooster woke me up.

OK, I thought roosters crowed at daybreak. This was way freaking before the sun even thought about cresting the horizon. With my ultrasensitive hearing, I could not sleep through although I so dearly needed to with working back to back 14 hour shifts, riding my bike to and fro work and with a nasty cold.

So this is the latest addition to the little zoo and car shop to the east of my house. Currently 2 fat men with their asses hanging out of their pants are winching a 1980-something American-made boat of a car into the air so that they can tinker their day away without accomplishing much of anything as their wives work to provide them money to pay their mortgage and feed their faces and provide them with the case upon case of Bud nasty Light that they drink every evening to excess.

Two nights ago I got into a fight with one of their numerous hangers-on that do not actually live in the house but seem to be permanently stationed on a chair with a beer in their hand in their carport/extra trash depot. Recently, he decided to tie up his pitbull puppy to the fence separating my home from theirs. Needless to say, this poor, ribs-protruding puppy never ceased barking, day or night. Plus the thing was suffering. I went out to ask him about this dog.

"Excuse me but what is going on with this puppy tied to the fence? That poor thing has not stopped barking for days."

"She my pitbooll, she's barkin' cuz she's a guard dog."

"Well how long do you plan on keeping her chained to the fence?"

"Not for too long."

"What does that mean?"

"Not for too long."

After that revealing discussion, I called the cops and reported them. Thank god Austin banned tethering animals. Now I probably will be robbed or vandalized-- I can't wait. This is the same boy/father of 2 that was blasting his car stereo to the point my windows were on the verge of breaking WITH HIS 1-2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER in the car!

In the end, I don't care if I live in the barrio, next to a real rundown home or a family with 20 children storming through my garden, squashing my cactus. As long as you can be quiet after 10pm, don't tie your animals or children to a fence and keep your freaking asses in your pants, I can deal with it.

Witness to Dead Body at Ladybird Lake

2008-04-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Riad Elsohl Amad's body washed ashore at Ladybird Lake.

I had never heard of him before although he has been a local activist for Palestinian children. I was running with my dog when I encountered tons of yellow tape, police, firemen and tons of new crews. A women with a dachshound had actually reported seeing the dead body with duct tape around his mouth and his hands bound.

How can anyone accept this as a suicide? It is an err to call death suicide when hands are bound. How does one tie up their own hands? If you are serious about suicide and have access to all implementation, this seems to be a very odd way to go. Either someone was an accessory to his death or it is a murder. It is known in Austin that Mr Amad was being harassed by the FBI for his involvement with the Palestine Children's Welfare Fund. I am highly suspicious. Simply google search his full name, Riad Elsohl Amad and you will find all of his "dangerous" activities.

Austin Abortion Bullsh.t

2008-02-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, do not believe the hype that one abortion clinic in Austin is more feminist or more female-centered than others. I have worked for or have heard from employees of all the abortion clinics in Austin, and they all do it the same. It usually is the same damn doctor (most of them work at all of the different clinics) and the same cattle call set-up. Your best bet for a bearable experience given the situation is to latch on to a good, sympathetic and knowledgeable staffperson and request that they walk you through the whole process so you don't feel like such a slab of beef.

Doris Lessing is the Shit

2007-10-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

I always loved her Martha Quest books and have even read them twice, which is a rarity for me.

But then she dismisses all of the societal BS expectations of what a Nobel winner should say by being honest and stating, "Oh Christ, I couldn't care less." I love it! How saucy. Doris never even graduated high school and then went on to explain that she can just imagine the people that will be lining up for the 1.5 million dollars of prize money. Ms. Lessing, I say just give it away, which I bet she will. Please start a creative writing school for girls. I could only hope to be such a sassy 87 year old!

I heard a funny way to get out of traffic cameras at lights. As you run the red and the camera is taking your picture, cover most of your face (but please keep your eyes uncovered). Then you can claim that someone must have taken or borrowed your car and that it wasn't you that ran the light. It actually worked for a friend of my husband's in LA even though he was wearing the same exact shirt as the one in the photocopy of his license that he had to send in to the police.

I Love Craigslist

2007-09-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

It has revolutionized my home.

Our 1st major purchase was actually an engagement gift from my husband-- a beautiful old piano that I love. Next was a cool mint green glass coffee table from a woman who loved all of the bumper stickers on my friend's truck. Then we had a leaky faucet and got a plumber over here named Dale-- not only did this guy come over quickly, but he showed us how to fix the problem in the future ourselves. Some would say not smart for business but I don't think so. Now I would definitely call him over for other plumbing issues. Last week we got a shiny fancy grill that has been rocking my world over the tiny little shitty hibachi we used to use. Yummm, grilled portabellos, pork chops, organic hamburgers, some marinated salmon, next is grass-fed, hormone free lamb.... by the way, all of the organic local meats I have been buying at the Austin farmer's market have spoiled me. I can no longer eat meat any other way, it really tastes like crap. Last, we got a porch swing from some guy named Wes who delivered it with all installation chains and hooks included. This thing even has built in cupholders, so American-- except they aren't big enough for my Super Big Gulp, but I have been surviving. Plus it has lumbar support.

Husbands that Vacuum

2007-09-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

OK so I can't complain too much. He freaking vacuums.

Nevertheless, for the past month, our vacuum has not been in working order. We finally bring it to the vacuum repair shop this weekend. The guy pops out a section of the cleaner, sticks his hand in and pulls out a pair of my underwear! Imagine our collective surprise, my horror and this repairman's amusement.

Anyhow, my husband mentions that he remembered vacuuming up my panties a while back. Mind you, we have a bagless clear-windowed model. I ask him, "Where did you think the panties went? And at what point did you fail to make a connection between broken, non-suctioning vacuum and panties stuck in the vacuum?" Basic cause and effect, right? And I ain't wearing no teeny weeny thong types that would actually make it through the hose.

But I don't really complain for long because I really hate to vacuum. Next time, we'll have to go to a different repair shop.

Perry Isn't Completely Heartless

2007-08-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

He pardoned Kenneth Foster. I almost can not believe it.

And I have regained a little bit of hope. I actually made a couple of phone calls and sent some emails about this case. As a side note, when I called Dawnna Dukes' office, her staffer said that Dawnna has faith in the judicial process, ie she wasn't going to do shit to help this guy out. Um, can we please get a better person in her seat, like maybe a minority that supports their own people and constituency??? Does anyone know if someone better is stepping forward?

Unrelated, have you heard about Luwak coffee? I remember hearing about it a while back and just heard again about this ridiculous coffee that goes for $300 per pound. Coffee beans go through a weasel (yes, eaten and shat out) and people throw away shit loads of cash to drink it. Check out the Luwak shit here.

A Sucky Day at Work

2007-07-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday sucked.

I knew it was too good to be true on Monday, when I finished my shift by 730 pm.

Come Tuesday, hell was unleashed at the hospital. It all started out slow and ok, the calm before the storm. I actually got to banter with my supervisor a little about coming in under budget and why this was "a good thing". I asked, "What do we all get out of coming under budget?" Wink wink, we all know what comes from being under budget, my supervisor gets a damn bonus while the rest of us that sweated our balls off from being understaffed to save $$ for a huge heartless corporation get crap. She gave me some line I can't even remember, ie she did not admit the whole truth to my face about how she is going to get a fat check.

Then a top administrator of the hospital sidles up to me and does her little check in. Asks me if she can do anything to help. I say, well, if you want to do an assessment and history on one of our 6 new admissions this AM, that'd be awesome. Her little smile wavers. I was so pleased with my snarkiness, I had a feeling that her offers to help were insincere. She kind of laughed and sidled away. I mean, she could have proved me wrong, got a computer cart, asked me what room number to go to and worked with us lowly floor nurses for 1/2 an hour and she would have melted a small portion of the iciness in my heart that I feel for management in big companies. I wish she proved me wrong.

Meanwhile, there is a never ending catfight ensuing between 2 of my coworkers and I am the referee. I hold one hand and then the other and I can't believe that these ladies are both older than me and are moments away from scratching biting and hair-pulling.

Some force unbeknownst to me took its revenge on my morning snark. I then was bombarded with snafu after snafu, to which my pattern of coping is poor-- I become so frustrated that I become useless and do nothing. And this coping mechanism is worsening with age.

Lance

2007-07-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

So I was driving westward down E 7th St and I see a pack of bikers in red skin-tight biker wear. I thought I would be kind to bikers and allow them to pass before turning left against the traffic. Lo and behold, who should be at the head of the posse but Lance himself. He even beamed a smile at me as they passed. I turned to my husband to exclaim, "There's Lance!" I then mulled it over. Does he have a standing agreement with his pack that he must be point at all times in public? Others have told me that he has been selfish to win so many Tours in a row, that he should have stepped aside years ago to let other members of his team take the lead. Or is it all about the sponsors already having Lance's face on their mail trucks/commercials/ads?

Does anyone know?

Tamale House #3 Part 2

2007-06-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

One last thing for today. Our family made it over to Tamale House #3 today. Per usual now, I made sure not to park in front of Mr Macias' store. Then I saw he had gotten the no parking signs that I suggested, in spanish! Hopefully all of the gringos that go to T House #3 to eat non-authentic Mexican food (according to Mr M in The Chronicle) will be able to translate the signs and stay out of trouble!

Sick Babies

2007-06-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

My son awoke with a 103.6 temperature today. Things are a little better now but he is cranky and driving me crazy! Savemesomeoneplease.

Speaking of Inappropriate

2007-06-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

Just read my friend Heather's blog linked to another friend's blog. OK, bringing a child to Children of Men, not a good idea. But last Saturday we were sitting behind a couple that brought a 5 or 6 year old to.... Hostel II. I couldn't believe my fucking eyes. I thought, maybe they had no idea what this movie was about. I didn't see the kid at 1st-- which was unfortunate because the very beginning of the movie incorporates a stabbing and a beheading, great for a 5 year old. Then I noticed the kid getting scared, hugging his mom, etc. A lot of innocuous scenes followed the stabbing/beheading beginning but then of course the girls get taken to the torture chambers and the grotesque begins. I am getting more and more anxious as things wind up. The 1st unlucky girl is being strung upside down naked and is hanging by chains. Some freaky goth/medieval lady comes in, gets buck naked in a tub under the suspended girl and starts cutting her with a scythe. Blood starts pouring over Lady Godiva in the tub and suspended girl starts crying/screaming. I look at the little boy in front of me and lean over and say, "I can not believe you have brought a child into this movie." The couple turns around and glares at me, and angrily ask, "WHAT did you say?" Then my husband leaps in and states, "This movie is completely inappropriate for a child!" The couple whisper back and forth, and believe it or not, they get up and leave. However, by this point Lady Godiva had slashed poor girl victim #1's throat and was lustily lapping and massaging the blood all over her breasts.

And what was I doing at this film? After I saw Hostel I when I was pregnant, I was so grossed out that I thought I had damaged my fetus. It was some kind of gross fascination to see if the sequel could get even more nauseating. Thankfully, it wasn't.

Crying Mothers

2007-06-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

A woman today collapsed in tears outside of my son's daycare. "I hate first days," she wailed and broke down into tears. I did not know how to respond. I believe Luke and I gleefully dropped Gus off that first day. Maybe it will take consequent children to realize that day as a milestone, the baby is not officially a newborn anymore. Perhaps she felt guilty for abandoning her child, guilty for feeling free or imagine, perhaps she actually wanted to stay home full time with her child. I personally can't understand it.

Nurses are Rad

2007-06-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

So I have been making phone calls to nurses across Texas to learn more about hospital conditions.

I spoke to a nurse in the Amarillo area. She has reported her hospital and has tried to work from within to make conditions safer for patients. These nurses have to put up with some serious crap, from taking care of up to 8 patients a shift (I personally don't feel safe taking care of any more than 5 patients, 4 if there is one with a more serious health problem) to being thrown pediatric patients, which are definitely in need of closer observation. I mean, kids that are sick are usually pretty damn sick. Plus you usually have to deal with some stressed out parents, which requires twice as much time. Their director does not support them.

What kind of traitorous nursing director does not support their nursing staff? First off, directors of nursing usually work their way up from working on the floor. They should know how shitty it can get, they've freaking done it. Money will buy these nurses' corporate loyalty; that makes me sick.

Yesterday, I took care of 6 patients. Luckily, none were new admissions and all were mostly stable. In order to provide them with just mediocre care, I took a 10 minute break over 14 hours. That was it. I worked my ass off, I was apologetic at times for only stopping by once every 3 hours and I will most likely not receive any rave reviews from my patients about their care that day. One lady laid in her shit for 30 minutes, that makes me sad.

GroupOne

2007-05-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

I was just informed about a company in the DFW area called GroupOne. They collect information about nurses in the name of "consumer protection", when it appears that it is more for the purpose of screening out troublemaking nurses that don't always toe the line. The problem is that most nurses don't know it exists and may be surprised to find what is in their own personal dossier. Union promoting or whistleblowing activity would most likely find its way into your file. It's kind of creepy to know that filing a Safe Harbor report (a LEGAL way for a TX nurse to report unsafe working conditions) can blacklist you from future employment. GroupOne is a member of a whole shitload of similarly missioned organizations listed at the National Association of Professional Background Screeners. My only regret is that I missed their annual conference in Austin in March! GroupOne is watching.

Dan Patrick is a Putz

2007-04-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

You've got to read Blindness by Jose Saramago; it was a stay later than a sane person should for pleasure reading kind of book.

Favorite eastside sighting #1: some '80's Crown Victoria, all beat up with a 12 inch hood ornament of a shiny silver horse. Some glued-on blue plastic wings transformed the ornament into a pegasus.

#2: What resembles a refugee camp with makeshift plastic bag shelters in an empty lot on Webberville across from the H&H Tavern where drunk bums get wasted. The hilarious thing is that in the lot adjacent sits a brand new $200,000+ home with a deck overlooking this microcosm.

More to come.

My latest outrage: Dan Patrick, republican Texas state legislator, left the floor when a Muslim Imam was invited to deliver an invocation. He later stated, "I surely believe that everyone should have the right to speak, but I didn't want my attendance on the floor to appear that I was endorsing that." What exactly is that which he would be endorsing? No one needs to be subjected to having to listen to this guy. I am talking about a call for direct action. This man needs a pie in his face and a public humiliation. As a community, we need to stand up against this sort of bigotry and hate; I'm sick of these polite little press conferences and statements to the media about the assface shenanigans of people in a position of leadership. I simply can not wait for karma to enact its own justice. Anyone in?

Tamale House #3 Incident

2007-03-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

OK, so I am a little ashamed at my behavior this morning.

So, we had a bit of extra time this morning. Baby G slept through the whole entire glorious night until 530 am. Even though I did not feel like being awake at 530, I slept for 7 golden hours straight. I mean, I may have woken up for toileting needs, but no crying, no endless breastfeeding/breastcomforting middle of the night sessions. We've turned a corner. Back to this am.

We head to Tamale House #3 on Airport Blvd for some delicious cheap BT's. I park in front of the small convenience store to the right of the taco place, the El Dorado Meat Market. Owner Atticus Macias* has no signs stating that no parking is allowed. I have parked there previously, and occasionally I will stop in and purchase an orange juice or something to be fair.

We head out of Tamale House and a semi pulls in to the lot. Mr. Macias has the semi pull directly behind my car as I get into it to leave. We ask if we could get out before they park it and unload produce, to which Mr. Macias yells at us, "My parking, my parking!" I then told him he should probably get a sign so that people don't park in front of his store. We were a little unnerved by this reaction but proceed to remain calm and sit in the car and chat. After ten minutes, we ask the semi drivers, how long until they plan on moving the truck? Not long, they say. 5 more minutes pass by, Mr. Macias is chit-chatting with the drivers. OK, so now I begin to get pissed. I don't know exactly what I said. I just started shouting angrily at Mr Macias about what a pathetic passive-aggressive bastard he is and that I will never again shop at El Dorado and neither will any of my friends and move the damn truck. Mr. Macias stands there cursing at me in Spanish-- I am sure he was singing my praises!

So friends, please join my boycott of El Dorado Meat Market, as I so fearfully threatened. Don't mess with the dutch assassin, Atticus Macias.

My friend Sabrina excused my un-zenlike behavior. She states that sometimes being calm won't work in certain situations.

Ethics 101

2007-03-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I am in an ethical quandary. On the one hand, I have caught many potentially life-disturbing problems while at work. On the other hand, I have done 2 of them myself. In orientation, I was told that the hospital was a no-fault nurse environment; i.e. if you do something wrong and report it completely and take steps to ensure that you won't make the same mistake twice, no problemo (although I am sure this little corollary may not apply if you kill or seriously harm someone). But after I reported my first rather innocuous offense, I realized that that was a huge, gigantic pile of bullshit! Other nurses began telling me they still haven't had any "event reports" yet, and I think surely that is because they don't fess up to anything wrong that they do. And it definitely seemed like a big deal to me. Yet no one was hurt, nothing else had to be done.

So today after I saved some woman from getting a massive dose of Dilantin (a seizure disorder medication, and this woman ain't having no seizures), I turn around and screw something up!! Well the mistake was completely innocuous, it didn't do anything adverse to the patient. I was just moving too fast, which is pretty much how it goes all of the time. So I am thinking, do I report this? No one is hurt, no one will know, the patient didn't even notice, in fact, it probably benefitted her given her condition. Even as I write this, I feel like a sleazy slimy scum but crap, other nurses would never report this kind of a thing. Integrity, right? I know what I should have done, however I have to swim in this overly sinkable place of work. I could have all of the integrity in the world but then all of my own faults that I report will be held against me when I want to move up or over to do something else. No fault nursing my ass!

At the same time, doctors can amputate the wrong limb and still perform surgeries.

I'm Famous

2007-03-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

OK, who decided to use my face as an example of how one can digitally enhance a portrait? And then how did my old neighbor find it? I do like how they took out the pink tones of my skin and whitened my stained teeth.

So Gus is still ill. I was only dreaming about a good night's sleep.

10/29/08-- Just checking the site to make sure my morphing picture is still present and yes, my mouth shot is still on the home page!

Fanny Wright

2007-03-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

I love Fanny Wright. Why the fuck did I not learn about this woman when I was in school? Here was a woman of the 19th century lecturing on birth control, advocating for slaves, founding a commune, and living her ideals. “I am not going to question your opinions. I am not going to meddle with your belief. I am not going to dictate to you mine. All that I say is, examine, inquire. Look into the nature of things. Search out the grounds of your opinions, the for and against. Know why you believe, understand what you believe, and possess a reason for the faith that is in you.” Wait, did I just ask why I didn't learn about this woman in an American public school? Hmmm.

My friend Heather took a very cute picture of Gus several weeks ago.

He loves those chicken n waffles. Notice how innocent and hale he appears. This was taken right before he fell ill with the plague. First the ear infection. Then the upper respiratory problems. Fevers of 104.2, entire body rashes, vomiting, green liquid diarrhea, racking coughing fits. No sleep. For anyone. For 3 weeks. Somehow, we all survived.

Now I feel a slight regaining of sanity, I got rid of the vomit and diarrhea myself enough to actually work yesterday. Back to the catfight center of it all, floor nursing at the hospital. Just in one day, there were tears and gossiping and tattle-taling to various supervisors. And at 30, I am the youngest there! I just love my job.

Htown

2007-02-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

It's a wonder I made any friends in Texas when I first moved here from CA. First off, it is rumored that Texans don't quite like Californians. Then when I made comments how I could never live in TX unless I lived in Austin to people born and raised in various parts of the state, it is a wonder I never had a gun pulled on me.

Now in Houston for perhaps my 5th time, I don't mind it much. We went to the Breakfast Klub this morning and it was delicious. I looked around and was surprised to find black and white people hanging out at the same establishment. I don't quite know where that happens in Austin. Plus there is not a breakfast place that serves such delectable sausage patties or seasoned potatos. When a town's got good eats, I am there.

We will be heading to the beer can house and Orange Show Center soon. That would be reason number two for enjoying Houston-- people utilize beer cans as decoration.

Now we are at the ACLU Houston whilst my friend finalizes an interview schedule for her boss. Food rules my world so much-- I am anticipating the tasty foreign food possibilities for dinner. Within one block of her place in the Montrose are Greek, German, Mexican, Thai, etc. restaurants. In my neighborhood of E Austin we have a freaking check cashing place for every household rather than any quaint restaurants or shops. Down with EZCorp! These corrupt usurious bastards highlight the following commitment to their consumers on their website:

Our Commitment
A high standard of integrity and ethics is fundamental to our beliefs. EZCORP is committed to doing what is right and deterring wrongdoing, and all employees are expected to uphold these beliefs.

What a bunch of crap. EZCorp capitalizes off a bunch of peoples' stolen shit and then preys on people in desperate financial straits; it's just downright dirty dealings. Spare me the fake vision: "EZCORP WILL BE THE PREFERRED PROVIDER OF SHORT-TERM CASH TO THE CASH AND CREDIT CONSTRAINED CONSUMER - NEIGHBORHOOD BY NEIGHBORHOOD." It actually would be more appropriate to say "HOOD BY HOOD". Get it straight. EZCorp is headquartered in Austin so feel free to stop by or call them and let them know that their business practices are crooked- 1901 Capital Parkway, 78746, 512-314-3400.

Baby G at 6 months

2007-02-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

Well, Gus is now 6 months. He makes consonant noises now, mostly bababbabababaaa. Very exciting. It makes for great conversation over the ooaaouuu of yesterday. A big saver is that he can sit up, so the jumper chair is usable. This keeps him happy for about an hour at a time. He had a shit yesterday that sprayed on the wall, don't ask me how.

An ambulance showed up last night to take the little girl next door to the hospital. She was having difficulty breathing-- the mother looked so scared. I can't even imagine. So many of these children have asthma, it is terrible. But I am beginning to go jogging with one of her young boys who is a little bit overweight. He really has no clue about what healthy foods are, but at least he is interested in getting fit and wants to go running with me whenever I go. Maybe we'll do a race together, it would be nice to have a young impressionable mind to lecture about the benefits of organic greens and soy shakes.

I am about to enter a weekend alone with 72 hours of Gus time. It may just push me over the edge, so I already have 3 backups lined up for emergency relief + I at least have 24 hour fitness' childcare option if and when I workout. I applaud all single moms out there, it takes some serious freaking sanity and love to do it.

I am off to knock out some ladies; what a great deal, I get to work for a short period of time while my boss watches over Gus. Why doesn't the freaking hospital have a daycare? What the f&*^& is up with woman-dominated professions that don't advocate for the decent, convenient care of their children??? Maybe now that doctors are becoming predominantly women something will be done. But will they want their children to mix with nurses' children, the housekeepers' children? Now that Gus is starting daycare, maybe I can work on raising a little bit of hell.

The Simple Life

2007-01-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm getting ready to plant the spring garden and someone enlightened me with the square foot garden. An awesome concept, anyone can be growing at least some quantity of food regardless of space. For some reason, having the garden in little foot-long squares makes it all more doable to me. It is appealing to that small portion of my personality that leans toward type A endeavors.

Yesterday was a crazy day. I did yoga, ate healthy, smoked zero cigarettes, drank no alcohol, went running and I'm still sane. Gus was remarkably happy as well, and he even slept through the night with maybe 1 breastfeeding. I may be able to do this.

My parents are becoming little gamblers in their old age. They go play the slots on the river casinos between KY and IN. Fortunately for Gus, when they win some dough, he gets some new cloth diapers.

What's even better is that Gus takes a 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I can then make some progress through the tome of a book I am reading-- Gotham, a history of NYC until 1898. I am slowly plowing through my dork project of reading all of the Pulitzers. I may have to exclude the history winners-- they are all 1000+ pagers that read like a history text. These people are thorough and focused on their topic.

The hospital work is insane, just like I thought. Some people are so damn sick; if you have your health, you need be happy about it. Spend some time in the hospital and you could change your perspective. People have livers that are dying, their stomachs bloat out bigger than my once 9 month pregnany belly, they turn the color of a yellow fluorescent marker, their bodies accumulate so many toxins that they lose their minds, they begin shaking = "liver flap"-- i.e., you need that liver.

Besides the really really ill people, nurses just treat each other pretty crappily. I haven't figured out why-- maybe you absorb so much of everyone else's shit, you need to purge it out on those around you. I want to go in, do my job, be able to rely on others for help just as I would help them, and go home with the good money that you make doing this work. You hear nurses bitch a lot about pay, but damn, it is the best money I have ever seen. Try working for a non-profit! Instead, there's quite a bit of belittling, to acknowledge your lack of knowledge indicates a mental deficiency to others, there's a bit of hazing as well. So many quit so quickly-- no one wants to invest any energy in being kind to you. You may just be gone in a month or so. We are all just a bunch of children disguised as adults.

Snowed in

2007-01-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

God Austin, this town is full of pussies! For a bunch of gun-toting, Sadam-hatin' troop-supportin' cowboys, y'all can't handle a quarter inch thick layer of ice?? I haven't been able to purchase a breakfast taco in three days, damn it! Add an overactive pitbull who hasn't ran or swam in days, an infuriating chest congestion cold and a teething baby that prefers the outdoors to the mix and it is a wonder I still possess my sanity.

The news coverage of everything is what provides me with my daily humor. The best are the reporters that demonstrate the slick and icy pavement conditions by skating atop the sidewalks-- I am just waiting for one of them to fall flat on their ass.

Baby G going on 4 months

2006-11-28T17:23:00.001-08:00

Another cute baby moment: baby G giggling uncontrollably at our dogs playing with one another. Was he simply passing gas or does he perceive?

I have begun an outdoor yard art project. I am lining the borders of all of our backyard gardens with inverted beer bottles buried in the ground. It wouldn't be my yard without beer bottle decor.

I have begun walking around the lake every morning with baby G and I have found am peace. Not to mention that everyone smiles at me because of the baby. The trail even has a pep squad in the form of a man perching on some rocks with his guitar and harmonica, cheering people on.

Beer has arrived, g'night.

Interviews

2006-10-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

I am now interviewing to work at some hospitals here in town, as a medical-surgical nurse. Basically, you work long hours, barely get a break and must maintain a smily (smiley?) face at patients that rip out their own IVs and throw their IV poles at you. Anyhow, they're not really an interview, just a we need to check in with you and make sure you are sane enough to put up with out-of-control patients but yet insane enough to want to do the job. I think I fit the bill. Regardless, we need the money or we will be eating through the huge bags of random dried beans I've had in our pantry since we moved in.

It's funny how at the beginning of being the stay at home mom (AKA SAHM), I was envious of my partner being able to go off to work and leave it all behind. Now about 3 months in, I don't want to miss anything while working my 2, 12-hour shifts per week. Those little suckers sure do grow on you, I assume this is how the species does live on. What's even crazier is when you start talking about doing it again, I mean, why get skinny and off the loopy hormones when you could just pop another out. Baby G needs a sibling so he's not all alone out there after his parents pass on.

I have begun my diet and it really is no fun. I love people that enjoy food, skinny ladies that eat salads for meals need step aside. I basically have a portion problem. When you see what 1 serving size actually is and realize that you usually have about 4 of those, I see the long dark tunnel before me get way longer. I had a piece of steak about the size of my tit (1 portion) and a handful of vegetables. That which is dinner for me now was once an appetizer. Depressing.

Holy Sh!t, I'm a Mom

2006-10-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

OK, this post is seriously late, as I had my baby 9.5 weeks ago, August 4th. But upon the serious prompting of Demanda, who we all have no business resisting, I decided that this would be a makeshift form of therapy-- as I lack decent enough health insurance to pay for counseling.

So, the baby is very cute and vibrating in the seat next to me. He seems to be entertained enough by one of eight things:
1) My pit bull Tipsy licking his feet
2) The rotating blades of the ceiling fan
3) Vibrations
4) My smiling face swooping down to his
5) Swinging
6) Being naked
7) Being swaddled in this Infantino carrier that will calm him down no matter what.
8) My breasts, anywhere near or in his mouth.

I can't complain, as the aforementioned are easily accomodated. I just can't help but feel bored and isolated. But damn, molding his hair into a fauxhawk sure is stimulating, and I sure do love exposing my breasts in public.

And holy crap, he's wet again. In between diaper changes, naps, breastfeeding/pumping, holding, baby circuit training, I managed to speak with a nurse recruiter about working in intensive care, which I need to do to get into nurse anesthetist school. Although I know that ICU is probably one of the more challenging areas of nursing work, I say bring it on. Unfortunately, ICU is more selective than pledging the snobbiest sorority. I don't fare well with selling myself, do I need to roll out my GPA, IQ or GRE scores? Or maybe I should just tell her I can down a 6 pack and still make sense?

Holy crap, he's wet again.

Anyhow, baby G just got back from the big A. Here's a cute picture, courtesy of LA, of him right after he pissed himself and me as we changed his diaper in the park.

And my lucky husband who got to meet a celeb whilst I was on baby duty. It was a good thing for my family that I missed out, because Ethan would have insisted immediately that I drop my husband and get with him.

Same Sh!t

2006-05-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

32 weeks
Really there is nothing to update except for the fact that I am getting much bigger. Hemorrhoids: none, the one thing I am most happy about. Swelling: none, except for my abdomen. Gas: plenty. Indigestion: yes. When one talks to women who is all glowy and happy about this is what the female body is made for, I want to slap their faces. I would like to argue that this is NOT what the female body is "made" for. However, it can accommodate the nuisances of incubation. I just want the damn end-product already! Normally, I have perfect digestion, great bowel movements, a smaller stomach, no back pain, I am able to bike, run, hike etc for extended periods of time, no indigestion, no cellulite, no peeing every 30 minutes, no problems getting up from a seated or laying down position, ETC.

Well, let's just hope this sucker stays in the oven for a while longer-- I am off to my grandmother's surprise 90th in FL and I would not like to go into labor on the plane. Of course, that would be way too early...

Happy Passover

2006-04-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

I am fighting the man! My dermatologist is going to write me an appeal to Megalife about how actinic keratosis IS premalignant, not just some benign little cosmetic blemish I was annoyed with. Of course, I am sure this will go nowhere, but I feel a pleased little sense of vengeance.

If you're in the mood for effete people watching in Austin, visit Whole Foods on Lamar and 6th. I asked my partner and his co-worker, who are these people? Where are they all coming from? Where do they work? In my day-to-day business, I never mingle with this upper-class elite. I live on the east side of town-- they certainly do not dwell there. I work with people injured on the job, ie blue-collar people. Certainly not there. I go to nursing school at UT, no money there either. This is my only opportunity to see how the other world lives, the people that can spend $16 on a salad for lunch. I look at their babies that have a wardrobe that trumps my best. It is a crazy world.

On a more positive note, I am going to a consciousness-raising Seder potluck, where in lieu of the traditional dialogue, we will be reading our own selections that have relevance to freedom. I will be bringing a version of my own bitter herbs with bok choy and kale.

Ohmygod, I am turning 30

2006-04-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

Not very enthused, but not really depressed about it either. I just look more closely in the mirror at the crow's feet progression and then realize that I can't quite get away with rolling out of bed into clothes at feet and look OK. I now must primp, I worry about skin hydration and my SPF15 creams.

The most annoying thing is that I can't get nice and buzzed, a pre-pregnancy favorite of mine. This could be the 1st birthday since I turned 15 where no alcohol will be involved.

I love insurance companies! I got a precancerous lesion zapped off of my nose and my insurance is refusing to pay.

ME: "So, if the lesion actually came back as a cancer, you'd pay. In the future, I should just wait for the lesion to get extremely purple and bloody to be sure that it is a sure, true, terribly malignant lesion."

MEGALife Rep: "Well, yes. We certainly don't want you to have cancer, but if you did, we'd be able to cover the expenses. We don't cover preventive measures."

Me: "Preventive would be paying for my damn sombrero and a bottle of Coppertone SPF50. I'm not asking you to pay for those items."

Out of control moods

2006-03-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

So I have been ill for like 1.5 weeks and am beginning to get worried that this is just some freak side effect of pregnancy and it won't go away. What do women do when they get sick and they care for children? This nuclear family shit-- how the fuck do people do it? Luckily I found a community of mothers in town that will help you out in those times because as it stands now I am not quite sure my partner will be there for me. My partner is obsessed with work and I have to make him help me out with one chore per day. OK, this is the guy that worked probably about a 100 hour work week with pneumonia! I hate when people think that those 2 extra hours that they spend talking to a reporter about global warming (ok, at least it's not some lame corporate bullshit) is somehow righteously exchangeable to spending time with a loved one that needs you. You can never go back and rectify that wrong but the reporter can just wait until tomorrow for your beautifully insightful sound bite. I can not verbalize this need in quite a profound enough way to convince my partner and I just want to act immature, act out and walk away with a bag of my things and not tell anyone where I am going.

Baby Names Book Busted

2006-03-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

So my partner and I are strolling through the humongous baby name book. The baby name book has two parts: a general dictionary of all possible names and their meanings and then the myriad of lists, like names for a rebel, names that are so 90's, etc. Well... apparently the name Oscar belongs to a list of names making a comeback. Several pages later, Oscar is also on a list for names that are for some reason a no-go. Hmmm? (Note: Oscar is not a name in the running...)

Now you can feel the baby head butts through my abdomen-- really cool and weird.

I have now moved past the obsessions with dairy products (no longer crave ice cream, milk, sour cream, etc.). Now I crave citrus juices, sausage, and as I always have craved, breakfast tacos, particularly bean and cheese ones. I have also been experiencing a stark clarity, like where I am working is so not right that I just want to walk right out.

Vivid Dreams

2006-03-01T08:42:00.001-08:00

It has been almost every night that I wake up clearly recalling all of my dream details.

Last night, I was 8 centimeters dilated and ready to push this sucker out. Once again, I was at my childhood home in the suburbs of Philadelphia. All of my mother's side of the family was present and partying, per usual. I was attempting to convince them of the necessity of contacting my midwife and telling her to come over. The problem was that I had lost all of her contact information and was desperately searching on-line and in my paperwork with no luck. Everyone continued drinking wine around me, only my little brother seemed concerned and agreed to just drive me over to my midwife's house, because I at least remembered how to get there. Then my dog or the alarm woke me up.

Nonetheless, I was remarkably calm for having my cervix stretched out 8 centimeters.

The other night, I was trying to communicate to my partner just how big a 9 month pregnant lady gets, cause I don't think he gets it. After googling several images, he looked ashen. I then reminded him of the need for us to take a romantic getaway now while I still look somewhat normal. He silently nodded.

Orcs

2006-02-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

I had a crazy dream that I was living in a commune but it was really the house that I grew up in a suburb of Philadelphia. Everyone was carefree, happy, clueless. Then, some Orcs moved into the neighborhood-- those nasty, rotten-toothed, loin cloth-wearing monsters from Lord of the Rings. Anyhow, I was sounding the alarm to my housemates about the dangers the Orcs posed, that they would eventually come and kill us in our home. Being the stoned hippies they were, nobody cared.

In my paranoid watch for the end to begin, I sighted the Orcs ascending on our cozy commune with torches and weapons. Being the only one on watch, I grabbed my gun (no, in real life I would have no idea what to do with one) and my bow and arrow and started slaying. I was a surprisingly amazing markswoman but it was one against so many. It got ugly.

And I have not being watching Buffy nor Lord of the Rings lately.

Crying, boys and girls

2006-02-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

Everything is making me get weepy. Like the song "Masters of War" and the Oprah show. I see car accidents and a vehicle smeared along the road and think about the person that probably just passed away and how sad that their loved ones will be. These are the things I am thinking about every morning I commute.

Would I rather have a boy or a girl? Sadly enough, I feel now that I'd rather have a boy. I would like to raise him well, to treat women with respect and to be able to reflect and have a conversation and to be fucking considerate, a characteristic that 9/10 men I know and even love in some circumstances completely lack. Like knowing to send random gifts or write a thank you note or randomly doing something nice for someone. And how could you be more advantaged than being a white male? He would at least have that huge leg up to start.

I fear having a girl child. I worry about them losing confidence in their math and science abilities before they become pubescent. I worry about them getting taken advantage of by all of the sick predatory men that would love to get in the pants of a 13 year old (nothing like Dateline to make you paranoid and afraid, I won't be watching that crap again). I worry about them dwelling too many hours of the day on how they look or on what they eat or depilatorying the hairs off their body. I hate how they'll have to live through all of the bullshit double standards women face.

Regardless of sex, of course I will love this kid. I could try as hard as I can and still end up with a jerky, inconsiderate, Republican manchild. You think that it can't be possible but I have heard stories.

Is it fat or a baby?

2006-02-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

As this fetus grows, it is actually making my stomach fat more prominent. My abdomen is getting bigger but it is still quite soft feeling and I am assuming fetuses aren't this soft.

The triple screen came back within normal limits, meaning the baby most likely does not have Down's, spina bifida or other major problems. Although this doesn't rule it out altogether, I experienced a feeling of great relief, because this test does result in a notorious amount of false positives, creating chaos. What does one do with a positive result? This means that you may want to screen further, to make a definitive diagnosis = get an amniocentesis, which carries its own set of risks. Then what happens if you find out the fetus has gross malformations? You are pretty fucking far along in the pregnancy-- carry it out or get an abortion?? And where will you even be able to abort in this wonderfully progressive state at such an advanced stage of pregnancy? You'd have to dish out thousands of dollars and travel to an ambulatory surgical center (closest to Austin = San Antonio, I think). Insurance coverage of this? Yeah right!

So, in summary, what a relief.

Today I relearned what a ratio is. Hello? Is this graduate school? I think I originally learned the concept of ratio in 3rd grade, creating ratios of apples to oranges. I am so glad I am paying so much money for this. I feel humiliated for my profession of nursing, to think that one can not assume that we know this information already.

16+

2006-01-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

So I can no longer officially wear my clothes unless I fasten them via rubber band. Not too bad, but embarassing when your shirt lifts up and exposes your abdomen to your pubic hair line. I just don't want to wear maternity clothes, I am feeling resistant to something really quite inevitable and purposefully intended.

My new job: I listen to people tell me about their pain for hours every day. Tip-- don't ever fuck up your back. Don't volunteer to lift heavy shit or do anything crazy. You will suffer. The pro: the doctor I work for gives me a "God bless you" about 5 times per day. At first, I thought this guy is a religious freak, we are never going to see eye to eye. Then I begin to appreciate the fact that although yes, I do work for someone with seriously different views than my own, this person is nice enough to bless me every day and I actually begin to feel saintly. And since he is a strict Catholic (didn't know what an IUD was, what?) he thought it was cool to hire someone who was pregnant.

Pregnancy tip: don't hike 12 miles in the rain! I forgot all about relaxin, the pregnancy hormone that jellies your cartilage. This is why exercise >30 minutes is not recommended. I could barely walk afterwards, I now know what arthritis may feel like and it is unpleasant. But Bastrop State Park is lovely and I got to wander among the Lost Pines for 4 hours by myself. And since it was raining, I had the trails all to myself so I could empty my squished bladder with abandon every thirty minutes. Delightful!

Mid-Week Rantings

2006-01-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

Pregnancy hormones circa 15 weeks = me, irritated in 5 seconds or less.

Why are graduate school courses set up in the middle of a work day? At this point in life, you are likely to be cut off from mom and dad's payroll (if you were ever fortunate enough to be on one) and you may need to work. So let's throw a 2 hour lecture at you at 11 on Monday and then how about one on Tuesday at 1?

Tip: if someone steals your inspection sticker off of your car, notify the police even though you know nothing will be done.

Why didn't the damn garbage workers in Central TX have the MLK holiday off? MLK was assassinated while organizing the sanitation workers in Memphis and what do our collectors get to show for it? A fucking national holiday spent hauling around our shit.

I wish I didn't have a 60 pound pit-bull to train right now. When we took her in from a desperate friend moving out of the country, she was a cute, friendly snuggly thing that loved all other dogs. Now she is a muscle machine that is no longer a puppy-- and apparently no longer to be trusted at dog parks.

Saw Wonkette (Ana Marie Cox) speak the other night, she wasn't even funny. Maybe it was due to the blah questions the audience posed about her thoughts about new media, are newspapers going to vanish, etc. Why do people go to book readings to make themselves seem smarter than they are by asking bullshit questions?